taking an unlicensed break hahaha

egaddd you have no idea how badly i'm dying.

self-imposed incarceration. quite comfortable but nonetheless studying is so suffocating and stifling I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE. you know how the closer you get to the end the worse it feels. It's like when I do my 2.4 and I'm at the last lap everything feels that much tougher.

ok so tomorrow will be my last paper and I should be using this last day for studying chem wisely but OMG SERIOUSLY I CANNOT because I'm dying just thinking about all the things I want to do post-promos ngah ngah ngah.

yesterday was amelia's birthday so I crashed her house with jesslyn and surprised the shit out of her because neither of us are supposed to know where she lives hurhurhur. it's quite sad for her I guess because she spent the rest of the day studying but it was alright I had fun hopefully she did too haha.

then I found out how badly i'm just dying to go shopping

SHOPPING

SHOPPING

SHOPPING

SHOPPING.

I can't even begin to describe it. I wanted to go to orchard last night just so I could walk into a store, like topshop or something, and touch the clothes (hahaha i sound like some addict) but omg :(

one more day one more day. I'm not even sure how I'll do for the exam tomorrow but seriously I'm just about to explode implode detonate from the suspense.

I want to shop

and watch movies (hehe last night I went out to video king and rented The Adjustment Bureau and Love & Other Drugs. I also got magazines all prepared for slacking hahaha)

and go take photographs

and dance

and play

this is the longest one day I'm going to have. I shouldn't even be online I'm halfway through a past year promo paper. I want to watch a movie now, actually.

Studying all the time makes me feel extremely obese (to all who're thinking shut up, you shut up :( ) because I'm becoming all flabby and glued to my seat. I hate running but last night I actually considered jogging JUST FOR SOMETHING TO DO.

I'm so anxious for promos to end.

end now pls I don't want to wear my school uniform i want to dress up ):

all hopeful now. less than 24h :>

Y'know

Just in case whoever still reads this thinks I'm suffering from severe chronic (does that even make sense?) depression or something, I don't. haha, it's just that I never feel a need to purge (my feelings) when I'm feeling happy. or something.

but I'd just thought I'd share this:

it's beautiful

This, my friends, is Goldkenn's Remy Martin liquor bar. which is actually very interesting because it's filled with actual champagne inside that delectable chocolate. I was surprised. This is also beginning to sound like an advertorial, which it's not.

Moving on.

Remember how it's during these most inappropriate times that I come up with the most time-consuming and retarded ideas? Or maybe just how I come up with the most time-wasting ideas when there is no time.

like, at this very moment I just remembered I have a lit assignment due tomorrow (I assume by midnight because there was no specification for time hehe), but I'm going to tell errbuddy about some fancy idea I came up with. It's hardly original, but I want to make a blog and post videos of my sis and I singing and doing stupid things (not exhaustive, of course, actually I'd open it up to anyone, we can share :> maybe.), partially because I finally figured out how nuffnang works (shut up); cos I figured, why not make the best of my youth and embarrass myself now instead of 20 years down the road when I'm too old and fat and wrinkly to do so?

but it's just an idea. I guess I was also inspired by the funny video of my mom and I in the car in the post below this one. hehe.

I have so many things to be grateful for, like how I'm an OGL now (excited!!!!) and how street is preparing for our concert next year and how I'm (hopefully) improving in my studies? That last one is a big fat hugeass maybe, but still, I'm hopeful. so my worries are just going to have to take a backseat, and hopefully they'll work themselves out.

no use worrying or letting things eat at you now.

I am looking forward to performing at some busking thing outside wisma on the 27th (next sat!) and also for teacher's day. I sincerely hope I do not screw up but I think I'll also take it in my stride, whatever happens. hahahhahahhahhaha fingers crossed.

AND GUYS I AM GOING FOR PARAMORE TMR FOR FREE.

just sayin.

So My Mom Said

I shouldn't publish this on facebook.

I just wish

Let me be,

because I am a ticking time bomb that doesn't know when it will explode.

So for now let me dwell in what I am and Do Not Touch.

There are things that make my everyday wonderful, and for once I would like to spend a day just dwelling in it all without having something to dampen my spirits. I am sick of having my mood affected by parasitic thoughts that take up so much of my time and energy. Nothing good ever comes out of it. It is futile; but I do it anyway.

I want to be selfish. I want to ignore the fact that everyone else has feelings too. I want to stop caring.

but I can't.

so I guess the next best thing to do would be to just back away, remove myself. If I don't see it, it isn't there.

It's been awhile

but I'm okay.

Thinking.

I don't think I'm the same person I was before I started JC. I used to be a lot more carefree. thought less. Now it seems not a day passes without me having some thought or the other weighing me down. at some point of the day. It doesn't even have to be any actual thought; everything just feels quite dull.

There's tension, there's school. I miss being relaxed and not having to worry about anything.

right now my grades suck, I have not enough time on my hands and I'm drained; but I'm still online wasting my time. don't really care.

don't want to care.

sometimes I wonder what'd happen if I just upped and left everything.

I'm not depressed though, there are good moments. very very good moments. occasionally.

just thinking. just thought I'd put this down.

Lighthearted

I realise the past 2 posts have been very heavy and thought-loaded haha. I'm o.k. now. :)

It's the holidays and yesterday was my sister's birthday. she had 4 cakes.

F.O.U.R CAKES WTS but they were all so cute I didn't really get photos of everything and I'm so lazy to click the upload button. her birthday was so grand and lovely, some luxurious bigass dinner with friends. i'm so glad because I had a good time catching up with yanting and louisa (you stupid girls keep me out of the loop for the longest time).

for the next week I will be in pre-u sem, something i'm pretty psyched about hehe. I hope everything turns out well, and maybe I should start packing.

so many exciting things in june!!!! <3

Inconsequential

There is only the self.

There is rarely any point in trying to make others understand. It makes you feel better to think that when someone knows what you're feeling they could sympathize. You feel frustrated when someone gets something wrong, when they misunderstand - but it's nobody's fault. There is an infinite number of facets to our thoughts, which makes it nearly impossible for anyone to fully comprehend our train of thought. Hell, it's difficult enough to understand yourself, why start on others?

Whatever happens to you is, at the end of the day, inconsequential to others. They can sympathize, even empathize, but to feel anything for your circumstances is merely a cathartic experience that they can easily remove themselves from.

You are your own problem.