What I really want to be doing

Once again, I find myself doing everything but what I should be doing. Except right now, I can't think of what I should be doing. Of course, there's my social studies PT to do, but there's time.

I just want to waste my days away and be beautiful.

Last night, I was thinking, what am I doing wasting the days I have to not-be in school uniform wearing t-shirts and shorts and looking so boring (alright, to be fair I do not wear t-shirtsanymore because they bore me) when I should be grabbing every bloody chance to dress up and looking insane just because I can?

I could be shocking the neighbourhood and the congregation (haha, in church) with my dressing, and I don't even need to be trashy or prostitutey! I only get 2 days every week. Iwantto while away my time while reading good books or watching DVDs that are NC16 just because I can; but I want to do this with all my friends so if I quit school I'm taking them all with me.

Hi Jean, Jacob, Julia. We quit school k.

On top of that I've got a camera and I haven't done much with it (okay, maybe I have) but I could be doing so much and bringing so much pretty to the world. I also want to make beautiful music or just listening and appreciating good music.

this sums it up pretty well.

On another note, I enjoy hanging out with my family very much. We are very funky people.

this is my sister singing to herself

this is my mother

this is clarinda, zhu's favourite girlfriend

this is louisa, my other cousin

and this is boy boy and my fat ass.

and this is me in a sweater in 34 degrees celsius weather

Time for dinner.

I'm feeling a bit vain right now

and so I'm going to post pictures of myself. Somehow the atmosphere in London makes/made me feel pretty (I am currently in warm-cold-wet Singapore).

why do I live in a tropical country again?

good night.

Someone drain her money

There's really nothing to get me typing like an irritating person.

Today I met a really annoying lady in Karen Miller: England. So I was shopping with my mom and I was sooo sooo tired, and there were these big cushy chairs in the store. but alas, there sits a lady chatting on her phone on one cushion; and BEHOLD: all her bloody shopping bags were on the OTHER chair. So I stared at her and she looked at me and she IGNORED me. and so I tried to make it a bit more obvious by sitting on the corner of that chair and she looked over at me and left the bags on anyway. I wanted to slap her so badly and/or ask her if she had the decency to put her bags on the floor.

Why didn't I do it?

okay, today jian wen said he wanted a sugar mummy to leech off and do whatever and I know I was very disapproving. but hello, I have decided that if you are going to get a sugar mummy can you please pick this lady she's not very ugly but she has big hips and I hope you drain every cent from her so she has no money to buy things in big bulky shopping bags to steal seats from me and be inconsiderate.

Forgive me

but I think I'm a really annoying person and I get annoyed easily at people for reasons I think are reasonable but probably invisible to others.

and hi mei I think you get it the worst, so sorry (for the past, present, and future). I love you (really).

I wanna be badass

I wanna get blonde highlights.

Bubbling Excitement

I was smsing De Wei earlier on while discussing our crowd interaction activities during YOG Diving and I am very excited about our plans in terms of music and games hehe.

It's quite unfortunate that I am unable to make it tomorrow night for the meeting with the music director... I really would like to be there but I have a feeling I'd be pretty busy studying (haha, last minute mugging) for the chem paper on Friday. At least now I'm going to make sure I study hard otherwise I'd just be all piney and whiney and wondering what de wei's discussing with the music director. Thank God for De Wei he's always available and completely fantastic.

It's pretty difficult managing different commitments and sometimes I wonder whether I'm making the right decisions but I know, of course, that being a student has to come first because it'll have a pretty damn big impact on my future (what future?), whatever it is. I am, however, really amazingly fantastically crazily grateful to be a part of YOG2010 (no, no one bribed me to say this I swear) because it's let me meet the most incredible, fun, diverse, exciting bunch of people WE ARE THE SPORTS PRESENTERS and YOG isn't even here yet.

It's been a part of my life for nearly 2 years now; so what happens when all this is over?

A fickle night of day

why do I always manage to find something I am discontent with? I know I should be very content and satisfied with my life right now but there's always something we wish we had, isn't there?

at the moment I really want to be a lot prettier; I want to be tragically beautiful. what does that mean, anyway? I just want people to describe me as that. I suppose it goes both ways I could be so devastatingly ugly that people think I'm tragic and there's a kind of beauty in tragedy... but then I could be so beautiful that people can't bear to look lest they frown upon their own mediocre exterior and commit suicide.

I hate that I'm so superficial but I can't help it. I confessed the other day that I cannot help but look at myself in reflective surfaces (I really hope I'm not the only one). somedays it's better somedays it's worse. I think usually it's those ugly-days that I keep looking and feeling depressed.

and I know I'm not ugly but I could be better. hahaha. I fall into the region of averageosity but I DON'T WANT TO BE NORMAL. I feel so normal in all aspects. I also think this feeling of ugly has to do with the loss of my long hair, such a devastating loss.

hold on, jody. quit with the emo. this isn't what you came on to blog about.

only very partially.

why am I dissatisfied with my blog url again? because it feels so unsuitable for what I feel most times. I picked it out from a random header in my notebook while trying to thrash out literature things and now it feels so unsuitable. alexithymia.

anyway, I just looked into the mirror and the feeling of dissatisfaction is gone (haha, I know it sounds like I am narcissistic and suddenly find myself very gorgeous but no, I just feel okay now). I am very fickle and my moments come and go very sporadically.

oh well, emo moment gone.

I'm feeling pensive this time of night...

No not really.

But I do think that my sleeping hours are really screwed up. I (wow) woke up at 2.30am last night/this morning/yesterday morning/the-morning-of-the-match-between-spain-and-germany to actually watch the match and I really enjoyed it but I FELT LIKE TRASH IN SCHOOL TODAY.

so so exhausted.

I was going to write about how I find my class very exciting and how we manage to spice up everything including detention but the inspiration escapes me... so I'm going to refer those interested to Jean's post on our little detention antics.

So the other day I noticed my skin was peeling off and I realised that it was probably my tan somewhat fading. The tan that I got from Bali and my holiday and stuff. and then I realised that my holiday felt like it never happened. It's like a whole chunk of my memory just evaporated. How do I explain this? It's just that school's reopened for only 2 weeks or so and it feels so normal. There's no back-to-school lethargy or the usual problems of me getting back into the mood for school or whatever...

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? AM I A SLAVE TO THE EDUCATION SYSTEM? WILL I DIE ONCE I'M DONE WITH MY SCHOOL LIFE?

but I do like school. a lot. I like being able to see my friends everyday and talking to them about just about everything and listening in class and trying to keep my mouth shut during assembly but failing miserably and contemplating sleeping in class but never doing it because I'm such a loser...

I'm going to miss rgs so badly when this is over.

and I'm hungry. like really really hungry, right now. I am famished because I slept most of the afternoon away and also the evening and even the night and it is morning now. I should go to sleep. so I will.

Hi Jacob

I like talking to you in the middle of the night :)

I swear I don't do this on purpose

I do not plan to procrastinate, nor do I think it is cool or hip to procrastinate and not do work. I actually set out with plans to study, to do work, knowing that my bio and hcl papers are TWO DAYS AWAY.

This morning I packed my bag with all my bio notes (powerpoint slides, class work.. etc) and my chinese shit (random articles and other articles... letter-writing format) and I set out for church, then math tuition.

didn't get any shit done today.

so my day went as such: I went for church (I realise I probably haven't gone for the entiremonth of june save the children's camp I helped out at) to help out at Sunday School, and had the kids pray for my killer back. and they are so so sweet.

I also realise that I really really adore helping out at sunday school even though I absolutely LOATHE waking up early in the morning and not knowing the actions to the songs. but I have fun because after I learn the little actions to the songs for sunday school worship I can just go all out and do it in a stupid manner and it's all for the kids and nobody cares how dumb you look when it's for the kids.

so today everybody got together to pray for my back and I felt so loved because kids are just like that, they are very lovely and innocent and cute and ooooh God loves little children I have faith that my back is good. :) even if it does hurt a little bit right now.

I'm supposed to be going to sleep now so I can wake up to go to the doc's early tomorrow so I have the rest of my day to study. but nooo I'm waiting for my hair to dry. so I shall continue talking about my day to this beautiful computer screen.

I had some peanut pancake thing (no idea how to spell it, it's in hokkien/teochew) and otah in the car on my way to tuition from church and oooh I was so hungry because I didn't have super supper the night before, i was watching angus thongs and perfect snogging (hehe) on HBO, or was it Star Movies? and that was my first meal!
Tuition was fun. I think I enjoy the routine. We go to class, whine about our school system and how ridiculous our school's being. We do our work anyway; we ask whether class is over and whether we can be let off early about half an hour before lesson's over when we know it isn't going to happen... but it's all for fun and we all know that. I think.

I hung out with my mom shopping at taka before going back to church to pick up my little sister who has joined the youth. and then we lazed about at home before going out for dinner. I fell asleep while lazing around and woke up a little cranky but I dressed up pretty to get myself happy before we went out for dinner in geylang.

I felt like a prostitute because I felt overdressed for geylang. I was totally lied to. they told me we might be going to watch a movie, and THEN i wouldn't have felt like a prostitute. pleasedon't get me wrong I was in no way promiscuous I was in shorts and a tank + croptop but a lot of black.

frogs legs porridge. good stuff.

OOH, I also changed my facebook + gmail language settings to french so I could prepare myself for french Os or something (inspired by ariel). I have actually tried changing fb settings to french before but it was pretty unbearable. I think I'll be okay now though...

I'm sorry this is a really long post (to whoever is actually reading this. I don't actually care if you get tired I'm having fun listening to the tippity tappity of my keyboard). Might as well enjoy my diligence in blogging while it lasts!

Let me end off with a picture of me and my mama watching the argentina vs germany match the night before.

we had wine!

the bottles were so adorable :)

Ow, paralysis here I come

I've had these back pains for quite awhile now so I really don't know who or what I should blame, now that my back is in SO MUCH PAIN I CAN'T BEND IT.

and really, what am I doing sitting here at the laptop typing a blog post when I should really be going down to a clinic to get myself checked up (haha I was going to say checked out.) but the thing is it reallllly hurts, what's wrong with me? and I can't even place what could've given me this much pain because this time round it was really sudden and out-of-nowhere. My back started hurting in the middle of my visit to my primary school during its open house. and even then it didn't hurt this much, but this morning... bleh I'm going in circles.

(I really want to do this blogging thing regularly again, so I can look back in another 4 years and read and go wow look how I have grown haha, it's amazing.)

SPEAKING OF CHANGE (yes I was talking about change)

you know I went back to look at my facebook pictures and I swear my face has changed since I was in sec 1, which is natural, I guess. but WATCHING MYSELF CHANGE IS SO WEIRD. the funny thing is, my face face hasn't changed much but I look a lot older now and I get why people say I look old even though I'm sure they don't know why themselves... this is such a rant. but it's true! and so so strange...

is it good to look older?

I'm Back!

I couldn't let go of this blog. After 2 years I still find myself coming back to my smellslikeajody.blogspot.com reliving all my memories from primary school on and I love it! so today, while i am STILL doing my chem pt due tomorrow (hi fellers it's already 1.13am) I imported my old blog into this new one which is linked to my current gmail account... I'm hoping I'll blog more often because these posts are so precious

to me, anyway.

so anyway, to fill up the empty spaces I have been on

lightningstring.tumblr.com (very recent) and

smellslikeajody.tumblr.com

I also tweet now (haha new media!)

www.twitter.com/jodyhong

alrighty. back to work :(