What I really want to be doing

Once again, I find myself doing everything but what I should be doing. Except right now, I can't think of what I should be doing. Of course, there's my social studies PT to do, but there's time.

I just want to waste my days away and be beautiful.

Last night, I was thinking, what am I doing wasting the days I have to not-be in school uniform wearing t-shirts and shorts and looking so boring (alright, to be fair I do not wear t-shirtsanymore because they bore me) when I should be grabbing every bloody chance to dress up and looking insane just because I can?

I could be shocking the neighbourhood and the congregation (haha, in church) with my dressing, and I don't even need to be trashy or prostitutey! I only get 2 days every week. Iwantto while away my time while reading good books or watching DVDs that are NC16 just because I can; but I want to do this with all my friends so if I quit school I'm taking them all with me.

Hi Jean, Jacob, Julia. We quit school k.

On top of that I've got a camera and I haven't done much with it (okay, maybe I have) but I could be doing so much and bringing so much pretty to the world. I also want to make beautiful music or just listening and appreciating good music.

this sums it up pretty well.

On another note, I enjoy hanging out with my family very much. We are very funky people.

this is my sister singing to herself

this is my mother

this is clarinda, zhu's favourite girlfriend

this is louisa, my other cousin

and this is boy boy and my fat ass.

and this is me in a sweater in 34 degrees celsius weather

Time for dinner.

I'm feeling a bit vain right now

and so I'm going to post pictures of myself. Somehow the atmosphere in London makes/made me feel pretty (I am currently in warm-cold-wet Singapore).

why do I live in a tropical country again?

good night.

Someone drain her money

There's really nothing to get me typing like an irritating person.

Today I met a really annoying lady in Karen Miller: England. So I was shopping with my mom and I was sooo sooo tired, and there were these big cushy chairs in the store. but alas, there sits a lady chatting on her phone on one cushion; and BEHOLD: all her bloody shopping bags were on the OTHER chair. So I stared at her and she looked at me and she IGNORED me. and so I tried to make it a bit more obvious by sitting on the corner of that chair and she looked over at me and left the bags on anyway. I wanted to slap her so badly and/or ask her if she had the decency to put her bags on the floor.

Why didn't I do it?

okay, today jian wen said he wanted a sugar mummy to leech off and do whatever and I know I was very disapproving. but hello, I have decided that if you are going to get a sugar mummy can you please pick this lady she's not very ugly but she has big hips and I hope you drain every cent from her so she has no money to buy things in big bulky shopping bags to steal seats from me and be inconsiderate.

Forgive me

but I think I'm a really annoying person and I get annoyed easily at people for reasons I think are reasonable but probably invisible to others.

and hi mei I think you get it the worst, so sorry (for the past, present, and future). I love you (really).

I wanna be badass

I wanna get blonde highlights.

Bubbling Excitement

I was smsing De Wei earlier on while discussing our crowd interaction activities during YOG Diving and I am very excited about our plans in terms of music and games hehe.

It's quite unfortunate that I am unable to make it tomorrow night for the meeting with the music director... I really would like to be there but I have a feeling I'd be pretty busy studying (haha, last minute mugging) for the chem paper on Friday. At least now I'm going to make sure I study hard otherwise I'd just be all piney and whiney and wondering what de wei's discussing with the music director. Thank God for De Wei he's always available and completely fantastic.

It's pretty difficult managing different commitments and sometimes I wonder whether I'm making the right decisions but I know, of course, that being a student has to come first because it'll have a pretty damn big impact on my future (what future?), whatever it is. I am, however, really amazingly fantastically crazily grateful to be a part of YOG2010 (no, no one bribed me to say this I swear) because it's let me meet the most incredible, fun, diverse, exciting bunch of people WE ARE THE SPORTS PRESENTERS and YOG isn't even here yet.

It's been a part of my life for nearly 2 years now; so what happens when all this is over?

A fickle night of day

why do I always manage to find something I am discontent with? I know I should be very content and satisfied with my life right now but there's always something we wish we had, isn't there?

at the moment I really want to be a lot prettier; I want to be tragically beautiful. what does that mean, anyway? I just want people to describe me as that. I suppose it goes both ways I could be so devastatingly ugly that people think I'm tragic and there's a kind of beauty in tragedy... but then I could be so beautiful that people can't bear to look lest they frown upon their own mediocre exterior and commit suicide.

I hate that I'm so superficial but I can't help it. I confessed the other day that I cannot help but look at myself in reflective surfaces (I really hope I'm not the only one). somedays it's better somedays it's worse. I think usually it's those ugly-days that I keep looking and feeling depressed.

and I know I'm not ugly but I could be better. hahaha. I fall into the region of averageosity but I DON'T WANT TO BE NORMAL. I feel so normal in all aspects. I also think this feeling of ugly has to do with the loss of my long hair, such a devastating loss.

hold on, jody. quit with the emo. this isn't what you came on to blog about.

only very partially.

why am I dissatisfied with my blog url again? because it feels so unsuitable for what I feel most times. I picked it out from a random header in my notebook while trying to thrash out literature things and now it feels so unsuitable. alexithymia.

anyway, I just looked into the mirror and the feeling of dissatisfaction is gone (haha, I know it sounds like I am narcissistic and suddenly find myself very gorgeous but no, I just feel okay now). I am very fickle and my moments come and go very sporadically.

oh well, emo moment gone.