peculiar

It's 3pm on a Sunday and I am struck by the most curious sensation of having absolutely nothing to do. It's as if my options dissolved into midair and quite frankly, I don't wish to make any plans at all.

But what am I supposed to do to pass the time?

I could walk over to video king to rent a movie to watch to pass the time, but the popcorn maker has been stolen. What's a movie without popcorn?

I could go take a walk. In fact, as I was lying on the sofa just now, I thought of taking a long long walk to toa payoh, but the whole idea of moving made me feel tired all over again (pig, I know).

I thought of starting up a new blog. It's been awhile since I thought of doing that (I don't even know why). I think it's because I want to explore the different ways I could write.

(can you feel the lethargy in my voice right now?)

I could also go out and board a random bus (not that there are many, there are three) to a random stop and then to a random train station and take nice pictures there with my camera. unfortunately my sister has gone out with her friend and in my groggy state I (no, even not in my groggy state i would have) lent her my dslr.

It's rather unfair because I'm dressed rather nicely today even if my hair is looking like ultimate crap.

So what I'm probably going to do is to drink the soup that is here on the table next to me, then grab an ice cream from the fridge. I have Neil Gaiman's American Gods on the table too. I might read, or play temple run on my phone, or read lovely articles on thoughtcatalog.com, or tumblr.

or just troll social media sites all day.

or maybe, I'll be struck by another sudden desire to type something like and boring like this and I'll write another post tonight about my life.

taking an unlicensed break hahaha

egaddd you have no idea how badly i'm dying.

self-imposed incarceration. quite comfortable but nonetheless studying is so suffocating and stifling I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE. you know how the closer you get to the end the worse it feels. It's like when I do my 2.4 and I'm at the last lap everything feels that much tougher.

ok so tomorrow will be my last paper and I should be using this last day for studying chem wisely but OMG SERIOUSLY I CANNOT because I'm dying just thinking about all the things I want to do post-promos ngah ngah ngah.

yesterday was amelia's birthday so I crashed her house with jesslyn and surprised the shit out of her because neither of us are supposed to know where she lives hurhurhur. it's quite sad for her I guess because she spent the rest of the day studying but it was alright I had fun hopefully she did too haha.

then I found out how badly i'm just dying to go shopping

SHOPPING

SHOPPING

SHOPPING

SHOPPING.

I can't even begin to describe it. I wanted to go to orchard last night just so I could walk into a store, like topshop or something, and touch the clothes (hahaha i sound like some addict) but omg :(

one more day one more day. I'm not even sure how I'll do for the exam tomorrow but seriously I'm just about to explode implode detonate from the suspense.

I want to shop

and watch movies (hehe last night I went out to video king and rented The Adjustment Bureau and Love & Other Drugs. I also got magazines all prepared for slacking hahaha)

and go take photographs

and dance

and play

this is the longest one day I'm going to have. I shouldn't even be online I'm halfway through a past year promo paper. I want to watch a movie now, actually.

Studying all the time makes me feel extremely obese (to all who're thinking shut up, you shut up :( ) because I'm becoming all flabby and glued to my seat. I hate running but last night I actually considered jogging JUST FOR SOMETHING TO DO.

I'm so anxious for promos to end.

end now pls I don't want to wear my school uniform i want to dress up ):

all hopeful now. less than 24h :>

Y'know

Just in case whoever still reads this thinks I'm suffering from severe chronic (does that even make sense?) depression or something, I don't. haha, it's just that I never feel a need to purge (my feelings) when I'm feeling happy. or something.

but I'd just thought I'd share this:

it's beautiful

This, my friends, is Goldkenn's Remy Martin liquor bar. which is actually very interesting because it's filled with actual champagne inside that delectable chocolate. I was surprised. This is also beginning to sound like an advertorial, which it's not.

Moving on.

Remember how it's during these most inappropriate times that I come up with the most time-consuming and retarded ideas? Or maybe just how I come up with the most time-wasting ideas when there is no time.

like, at this very moment I just remembered I have a lit assignment due tomorrow (I assume by midnight because there was no specification for time hehe), but I'm going to tell errbuddy about some fancy idea I came up with. It's hardly original, but I want to make a blog and post videos of my sis and I singing and doing stupid things (not exhaustive, of course, actually I'd open it up to anyone, we can share :> maybe.), partially because I finally figured out how nuffnang works (shut up); cos I figured, why not make the best of my youth and embarrass myself now instead of 20 years down the road when I'm too old and fat and wrinkly to do so?

but it's just an idea. I guess I was also inspired by the funny video of my mom and I in the car in the post below this one. hehe.

I have so many things to be grateful for, like how I'm an OGL now (excited!!!!) and how street is preparing for our concert next year and how I'm (hopefully) improving in my studies? That last one is a big fat hugeass maybe, but still, I'm hopeful. so my worries are just going to have to take a backseat, and hopefully they'll work themselves out.

no use worrying or letting things eat at you now.

I am looking forward to performing at some busking thing outside wisma on the 27th (next sat!) and also for teacher's day. I sincerely hope I do not screw up but I think I'll also take it in my stride, whatever happens. hahahhahahhahhaha fingers crossed.

AND GUYS I AM GOING FOR PARAMORE TMR FOR FREE.

just sayin.

So My Mom Said

I shouldn't publish this on facebook.

I just wish

Let me be,

because I am a ticking time bomb that doesn't know when it will explode.

So for now let me dwell in what I am and Do Not Touch.

There are things that make my everyday wonderful, and for once I would like to spend a day just dwelling in it all without having something to dampen my spirits. I am sick of having my mood affected by parasitic thoughts that take up so much of my time and energy. Nothing good ever comes out of it. It is futile; but I do it anyway.

I want to be selfish. I want to ignore the fact that everyone else has feelings too. I want to stop caring.

but I can't.

so I guess the next best thing to do would be to just back away, remove myself. If I don't see it, it isn't there.

It's been awhile

but I'm okay.

Thinking.

I don't think I'm the same person I was before I started JC. I used to be a lot more carefree. thought less. Now it seems not a day passes without me having some thought or the other weighing me down. at some point of the day. It doesn't even have to be any actual thought; everything just feels quite dull.

There's tension, there's school. I miss being relaxed and not having to worry about anything.

right now my grades suck, I have not enough time on my hands and I'm drained; but I'm still online wasting my time. don't really care.

don't want to care.

sometimes I wonder what'd happen if I just upped and left everything.

I'm not depressed though, there are good moments. very very good moments. occasionally.

just thinking. just thought I'd put this down.

Lighthearted

I realise the past 2 posts have been very heavy and thought-loaded haha. I'm o.k. now. :)

It's the holidays and yesterday was my sister's birthday. she had 4 cakes.

F.O.U.R CAKES WTS but they were all so cute I didn't really get photos of everything and I'm so lazy to click the upload button. her birthday was so grand and lovely, some luxurious bigass dinner with friends. i'm so glad because I had a good time catching up with yanting and louisa (you stupid girls keep me out of the loop for the longest time).

for the next week I will be in pre-u sem, something i'm pretty psyched about hehe. I hope everything turns out well, and maybe I should start packing.

so many exciting things in june!!!! <3